I was watching American Idol the other night and they showed a montage of former contestant Kellie Pickler. She is a beautiful blond who has certainly had her share of challenges in life. I believe she’s the contestant who lived with her grandfather in a trailer because her parents had abandoned her (or her mom did and her dad was deceased, something like that). It was great to see that she has hit success since being on the show – she recently toured with Rascal Flatts and she stated, “I Love My Life.” And she looked like she truly meant it.
I would like to be able to say that. I have said it before – probably about 11 years ago when I first met my husband and was in complete bliss about it. A decade later … I have a good life but I’ve lost my faith. Between a slightly straying spouse (emotional, anyway, although the truth of the physical may never be known), the revelation of his disloyal friends, war, terrorism, loss of loved ones, divorces all around and the nightly news, I find it difficult to muster faith these days. My eyes were opened from my own naivety and I got mad at God for that. I began to question everything and I haven’t been the same since.
I’m on a journey now, I feel it. I don’t know what I believe but something in this universe is pushing me to find out again. I miss believing in not only God, but people. I feel like the lead character on Dexter, when he describes how it feels to not feel anything. Slowly I’m moving away from that.
If you have some divine story of faith – whether it’s in your God, your friends, your family or the universe, please share. I’m open to examples. I don’t know if it’s what will provide me with the emotion to “love my life” or if that’s even completely possible, but I’d like to hear why you do.
MimiGretch
I wanted to drop a few lines here to that you are not alone there are more than you perhaps think that are on a similar path as you. With everything that is going on around us on daily basis.
We are just dealing with what is going on in our own lives but we have enabled ourselves to have the whole world problems come into our homes on frequent daily intervals via television. Is no wonder that we feel overwhelmed and find it quite difficult to find a positive outlook on life.
I have struggled for years with religion, faith and so on and at some point I just got fed up of hearing what I have/haven’t got to do. So I to have been on my own journey to find my own truths and have spent many years doing so and probably many more to come. Faith is what keeps our spiritual body content so never loose faith in your beliefs for that is what they are ‘Your Beliefs’ not someone elses each of us have our own bond to God. But saying all that it does help to have folks to share thoughts and ideas with periodically.
Does any of my waffling make sense?
Hey Mimi,
Your waffles make much sense and are also very delicious;-)
As a thirty-something cranky New-Yorker, conversations about belief, faith and true happiness were the last thing I expected to be having. Unfortunately, being unhappy and hopeless are very much a part of the culture here in NYC. God knows you wouldn’t want to lose any of your street cred by admitting that you just want to be a happy person!
But whatever…here I am! I’ve been on my “path” for about a year now and it’s taken me from the self-help and religion sections of Barnes & Noble all the way to a week long retreat at a Buddhist monastery in upstate NY!
It all feels good and embarrassing and new and scary. But like you, it really feels like an actual PATH; a road I just sort of have to take. I suppose that’s why I feel a need to write about it now. Bottom line, I think people need to know that you really can ask these big questions, but still incorporate the answers into your daily life. And at the same time you can still be the funny, weird, sarcastic person you have always been. I used to think the only people allowed to think about “The Big Stuff” were religious nuts or new-agey hippies…not comedy writers in Queens;) So not true.
Anyway, hope this comment helps you along your new path. Keep at it…you ain’t alone!
-Sarah