“Eat Pray Love” Made Me Want to Be a Man

What the hell was that last post I wrote? I must have been in the winter doldrums. My gawd that was pathetic.

Life is fine, it’s just busy and sometimes I wish I had more time for myself. I wish I could do what that crazy woman in Eat Pray Love did. She just took off for a year and lived in Italy, India and Bali. I liked the book but I just wasn’t buying the whole “poor me” portions – the woman is LIVING IN ITALY, INDIA AND BALI – EATING, TAKING WALKS, DRINKING, WRITING. For God’s sake – there is nothing to feel bad about there.

And the parts where she was so serious about finding God inside her and capturing all her little hurts and putting them into her heart. Oh, please, get over it already. So you got divorced. Big woop. Tons of people get divorced. How about the little girls in Africa getting raped and maimed at the age of 3? How about the families in Iraq watching their loved ones blown to bits? How  about the American mother who kisses her son goodbye as he ships off to Iraq, knowing in her heart she is never going to see him again? How about the children of 9/11 tragedies? Those are some real pains. Those are people who deserve a year of traveling and frivolous soul-searching activity.

Everyone loved this book – I see women reading it on the train, the plane, the bus and in the spa. I understand its appeal – we’re living vicariously through Ms. Gilbert because after all, who the hell really has the time or opportunity to take a year off to find themselves. But the whole thing just made me think women are pains in the ass. We over think everything. We analyze everything. We take way too much responsiblity for everything. In the end, I just found myself wanting to be a man – basking in all my self-centered, selfish glory while I drink a beer, watch TV and never once think about “cleansing my soul.”

I Love My Life… Words I Wish To Whisper

I was watching American Idol the other night and they showed a montage of former contestant Kellie Pickler. She is a beautiful blond who has certainly had her share of challenges in life. I believe she’s the contestant who lived with her grandfather in a trailer because her parents had abandoned her (or her mom did and her dad was deceased, something like that). It was great to see that she has hit success since being on the show – she recently toured with Rascal Flatts and she stated, “I Love My Life.” And she looked like she truly meant it.

I would like to be able to say that. I have said it before – probably about 11 years ago when I first met my husband and was in complete bliss about it. A decade later … I have a good life but I’ve lost my faith. Between a slightly straying spouse (emotional, anyway, although the truth of the physical may never be known), the revelation of his disloyal friends, war, terrorism, loss of loved ones, divorces all around and the nightly news, I find it difficult to muster faith these days. My eyes were opened from my own naivety and I got mad at God for that. I began to question everything and I haven’t been the same since.

I’m on a journey now, I feel it. I don’t know what I believe but something in this universe is pushing me to find out again. I miss believing in not only God, but people. I feel like the lead character on Dexter, when he describes how it feels to not feel anything. Slowly I’m moving away from that.

If you have some divine story of faith – whether it’s in your God, your friends, your family or the universe, please share. I’m open to examples. I don’t know if it’s what will provide me with the emotion to “love my life” or if that’s even completely possible, but I’d like to hear why you do.

Everything I’d Rather Be Doing

- learning to surf

- writing a novel

- getting a massage … with no pressure/stress that I need to get back to work

- getting a manicure/pedicure

- shopping… with no worry about how much I’m spending

Midlife Crisis and Seeking Faith

It’s been much too long since I’ve posted here, what with a month or so of illnesses, funerals, vacation and general life-is-so-damn-busy craziness taking over. I have to keep my other blogs updated due to work and so this one, where I’d like to write what I really think, suffers.

In any event, I am afraid I’m facing a midlife crisis. I feel extremely unsettled. I am completely disenchanted with work and I’m seeking some kind of inspiration. I feel no faith in anything except maybe my love for my children. Everything else is questionable. I’m terrified of being stuck and trapped and having another decade pass me by and suddenly I realize I’m too old to do half the things I had on my “someday” list.

I have a great career, I make good money and I own the company. I have a good family. I have a nice home, husband, children. And yet I feel unsettled.

Have you ever lived through a midlife crisis? Got any good advice? Should I or should I not completely scrap my career and feel the nervous freedom of starting over? Should I move my kids to the Caribbean or buy a motorcycle? Or should I just take some valium, go to sleep and shut the hell up?

So Tired

I haven’t been able to work, sleep or eat all week – let alone blog – because I’ve had extremely sick children. It started with my youngest, who got better, then worse. I finally – after a complete meltdown during the 2nd doctor’s visit – secured some medicine for him and he seems to be on his way to recovery. But then… my oldest started the cycle all over again. All fevers seemed to end today although coughs linger…

I have to say – never is the difference between men and women more clear to me than in situations like this. At least in my house, balancing the pressures of work and home are extremely difficult during such times. It’s up to me to get to the doctor, give up working, get the medicine, catch and clean up the puke, dispense medicine, change the sheets, rub the heads, take the temperature and disinfect the house after it’s all said and done.

Why is that? Am I the only one who finds that, although you are in a two-career household, yours goes on hold while his continues on during such times? I have clients and colleagues pretty irked with me as last week was a total wash. But what is a Mom to do?

Super Mom Returns

Today my Super Mom status was restored. Overnight my two-year-old surfaced with a 102.2 temperature and all that goes along with that (use your imagination… but let’s just say only a Mom would catch the puke).

I stayed up and gave him medicine, put a cold washcloth on his face and head for what seemed like hours, and rubbed his back for as long as I could stay awake. I finally needed to crash around 2 a.m. So I did and in the morning, he got up on his own and seemed fine…. at least for a few hours.

How do I know Super Mom status was restored? Because when my Mother-in-Law (who was staying over) went to put a cold cloth on him this morning, he said, “No fank you; gwama. Mommy fix my head.”

Fat Bed

This morning my 2-year-old was obsessed with finding the Thomas the Tank Engine “flat bed train.”

I awoke at 6:50 a.m. to “Fat bed, Mommy, can’t-find-faaat-bed twaaain.”

I’m a total sucker so I got up and went to the playroom. I looked through what must be the largest toy collection ever to no avail. I guess today I am not Super Mom.

I will try harder tomorrow, I pwomise.

The Perfect Day

My 84-year-old sprite Grandfather sent me a birthday card. It read:

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying and driving too fast…. Are they kidding? That’s my idea of a perfect day!

Loved it. Go Papa, you rock.